In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman outlines 5 methods to communicate and experience love. They are (1) gift giving, (2) quality time (3) words of affirmation (4) acts of service/devotion and (5) physical touch. He says each person has one primary and one secondary love language. Successful couples learn to speak the love language of the their partners.
Our native love language is not only how we relate to others, but it is the way we give and receive love from God and most certainly, affects the way we worship. A “gift giver,” like Zaccheus (Lk 19:8) who promised to give back 4 times anything he took, thinks the offering is the most important part of worship. A “quality timer,” like John leaning on Jesus’ chest, feels closest to God in moments of intimate reflection and meditation. An “affirmer,” like Barnabas who encouraged Paul, is in their sweet spot singing songs about God’s unending love and devotion to them. A “devotioner” like Peter (Mark 14:31) who told Jesus “even if I have to die with you. I will never disown You” needs to declare their faithfulness especially in diversity. A “physical toucher” like Thomas (Jn 20:28) who would only believe when he touched Jesus’ wounds is constantly seeking the next experience in God. It is easy to see the difficulty worship leaders face when the measures of successful worship services depends on divergent worship love languages within congregation.
We easily dismiss love languages that are not our own. We do not understand how certain songs and parts of the service that do little for us are important to others. This is evidence we are functionally mute and deaf in other love languages. It is equally wrong to dismiss other worship love languages as “meaningless” or “immature.”. We need to embrace other worship love languages. Paul says to “rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with people who mourn” (Ro 12:15). Saying “I am happy for you” is not the same as rejoicing with another. To rejoice with someone, you need to learn their love language and speak it with them.
My best friend loves to be enveloped in the manifold presence of God. At the same time, he is cognizant of his pastoral role to serve his community as a first priority. His primary love language is physical touch and his secondary is words of affirmation. Mine is devotion. I had the hardest time understanding why he wanted me to lead worship that resulted in God touching people and bringing them to the verge of emotional outbursts. I would rather make strong statements of faith and dedication. Finally I got it! I started to learn that loving God involves our whole heart, our whole mind and our whole strength (Du 6:5) means. One way to look at “whole” is leaving everything on the table. Another way to look at “whole” is the completion of the work of God in you… becoming everything God intended. In the latter sense, the way we love God is incomplete because we are broken. I might be good at one worship love language and if I am lucky, two. This by no means is the fullness or wholeness of expressing love and receiving love to and from God.
How do worship leaders give the congregation the opportunity to express and receive all worship love languages? First, accept you are experienced in one or two worship love languages and pray for God to increase your fluency of other worship love languages. Build a worship team that has different love languages from your own and involve them in planning and feedback. Prepare thematic worship sets that cater specifically to one or two love languages and rotate them from week to week. This must be tempered by the love culture of your church community. For example, worship sets for a post modern service will be different than that for a traditional service. Let us strive to live out the love language diversity. Above all, seek to enrich other’s worship by similarly engaging in the worship love language which they are fluent.
Background
I accepted Christ on September 13, 1980. At 20 years old, I was completely lost but very aware of that there was a spiritual existence that was eternal. On that day, I heard God’s audible voice. (AMAZING! That God would condescend to me in a miraculous way!) At the hearing of His voice, that moment I know the reality of God. I also new this knowledge demanded a full commitment of service and response to Him.
Introduction to Worship
As a new believer, I immediately sensed the importance of worship, not merely at the services, but to live a life of worship. In 1983, I started to study worship and worship leading while I attended The Vineyard in Yorba Linda/Anaheim. I helped two friends plant two churches in Orange County and now my family and I attend a progressive Foursquare Church. I continually study the Bible on worship and worship topics.
Ministry Accomplishments
I have led contemporary worship bands since 1985. We performed a few concerts at other churches and couple of community events each year but worship in those days was not as popular as it is today. I used to lead worship in a congregation of 800. The smallest group I’ve led in worship has been myself and the largest was about 4500. I recently enrolled in a Bible School and have cut my commitments to leading a mid-week Bible study where I lead worship, leading a preaching fellowship (we are learning to communicate better), and leading worship at a bi-weekly men’s function. I also support a Song Writers ministry. Occasionally, I teach people the basics of leading worship in an 8-week course (about 20 hours total).
Other Related Accomplishments and Interests
I tried to produce a ‘record album’ of original worship music of the last concert that the contemporary worship band performed but had several technical difficulties that made that effort difficult. I settled for a cassette tape. I have served as a sound engineer for some of the churches I attended and taught others how to do sound. I design audiophile speakers and sound systems and have served as a sound consultant for setting up PA systems. I designed and build choir monitors, PA speakers and other sound reinforcement equipment.
Personal
I am happily married since December 30, 1983 and have two children. I currently work as an optical engineer at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Lab designing and building the next generation space clocks that should be accurate to one second in 30 million years’ not that I expect to be here then! I feel the Lord is leading me to be an administrative or executive pastor, which is one reason I enrolled in school. I will graduate in October 2002. I play rhythm guitar for worship only. I am learning how to write music all over again. I look forward to the day when we will live in the light of Christ in the new Jerusalem with new bodies that can completely serve Him without compromise or fainting. Maranatha!