Director’s Notes:
Pastor Ray asked me to write a light-hearted drama for this weekend centering around marriage. As I thought about what I would write, I asked myself how the world tells you if you have a healthy marriage or not. I quickly scanned the Internet until I found what I was looking for – a marriage cyber-test. I pulled some questions from it and added my own for the drama. Amazing… if we would only go to God’s word, we could find out exactly what He has to say about a healthy marriage…
Note: When Jason speaks to the audience, Trish should freeze in place until he looks back to her and begins talking again. Also, Jason should get more and more agitated and nervous as the test goes on (pulling at his collar, wiping sweat from his forehead, etc.)
Cast:
Jason: A husband
Trish: A wife
Props:
Couch and chair (or 3 chairs),Remote control, Papers for the test (use your script!), Pen,
Power Point slideshow (Go to Dave’s site to get it! dave_marsh.com)
Setting:
Family Room
(LIGHTS UP CENTER STAGE where Jason is sitting on a couch, remote in hand. Trish enters….)
Trish: Hey.
Jason: Hey. (delivers all these lines looking at the TV until I say he turns to her…)
Trish: Watcha doin’?
Jason: Watching Extreme Dirt biking on ESPN…
Trish: Ah. (pause) Nothing on, eh?
Jason: Nope.
Trish: Well, I have an idea of what we can do.
Jason: Does it involve spending huge amounts of money?
Trish: No.
Jason: Does it involve pulling large quantities of weeds or opening 3 year old cans of paint?
Trish: Not at all. In fact, you can sit right where you are.
Jason: (turns to Trish) Well, then… sure. Bring it on. What is it?
Trish: It’s a marriage test!
Jason: A what?
Trish: A marriage test. I found it in the paper. It’ll be fun! (Trish freezes)
Jason: (To audience) Fun? Yeah, right. You know what’s going to happen don’t you? She’s gonna read off a bunch of questions like “Do you like my new hair cut?” or “When is the last time I bought her flowers?” And I’m going to answer them and no matter what I say, I’m going to be wrong. Why didn’t she just ask me to get a root canal? Oh, I’ve seen fun and this ain’t it. (pause and talks to self) Be a good husband be a good husband be a good husband….(pause) Okay, here we go. (turns back to her)
Jason: Okay, honey, shoot.
Trish: Really? (surprised). Great! Okay, I’m going to read these questions and then you get a certain amount of points if you’ve done them. Sound good?
Jason: (trying to be nice) Sure, Honey. Whatever you want.
Trish: (suspicious) Really? Are you sure you’re MY husband?
Jason: Last time I checked.
Trish: Okay, great. Here’s a piece of paper to keep your score. Here we go.
Trish: (talking through each one and giving Jason a couple of seconds to write his answers…)
(Bring up the PowerPoint slides at this point…)
1. Do you have a picture of your wife in your wallet? …add 5 pts.
2. Is it the first picture in your wallet? …add 10 pts.
3. Do you call your wife from work at least once a day? …add 7 pts.
4. Once a week? …subtract 20 points.
5. Does your wife know your Internet password? …add 5 pts.
6. Does it contain any part of her name? …add 15 pts.
7. Do you leave the lid on the toilet seat up? …subtract 15 pts.
8. Do you own a minivan? …add 10 pts.
9. Does your wife drive a sportier car than you? …add 15 pts.
10. Do you drive the minivan while your wife drives the sports car? …add 25 pts.
Jason: Okay, well, this was fun. (trying to get out of this). Are we done?
Trish: Of course not. We’re only half way through. (Trish freezes)
Jason: Half way? Half way? Don’t you see? It’s only going to get worse. I mean, who comes up with these things anyway? Some sicko that has never been married is my guess! You know… if this was a softball game, they would have called for the slaughter rule… just so you know. (turns back to Trish)
Jason: Oh, ok. Well, let’s rock!
Trish: Are you sure you don’t want a break?
Jason: Me? Nah. Bring it on!
Trish: Okay….
11. Does your bedspread have flowers on it? …add 10 pts.
12. When you shop for something ‘nice’ for your wife, do you buy it from Victoria’s Secret? … add 20 points.
13. Do you buy it from Sears? … subtract 10 points.
14. Sears Hardware? … subtract 25 points.
15. Does your wife keep her paycheck while you share yours? …add 10 pts.
16. Do you do laundry as much or more than your wife does? …add 10 pts.
17. Do you go grocery shopping with your wife? add 10 pts.
18. Do you know how to cook a casserole without using a cookbook? …add 5 pts.
19. Do you still own back issues of Sport’s Illustrated’s Swimsuit? …subtract 20 pts.
20. Have you ever forgotten your wedding anniversary? …subtract 10 points for every year
Jason: (thinking, writing, scratching out answers furiously)
Trish: Okay, we’re done. How’d you score? Jason? Jason?
Jason: Hold on, hold on. Let’s see how does this work? I wish I had a calculator. I’m really bad with numbers… okay, and do I carry the one? Let’s see…
Trish: Jason? It’s not that hard. What did you get?
Jason: What? Like a ballpark number?
Trish: No, just the number. Is it positive or negative?
Jason: Is this a trick question? CAN WE DO IT AGAIN?!?
Trish: (grabs the paper from him, looks at it, looks at him, and looks back at the paper)
Trish: (sarcastic) Lovely. (freezes)
Jason: (looks at audience) Yep. That was about right. (looks at watch) Time to hook up cable in the doghouse.
(LIGHTS OUT FAST)
END
(c) 2000 Dave Marsh
Hello and welcome to Stage Right, the online drama ministry of EXW. My name is Dave Marsh and there are a few things you should probably know about me. First, I’m not a ‘theatre guy.’ I’ve never quoted Shakespeare (at least seriously), and I’ve never played Daddy Warbucks in Annie. Second, I received my ‘training’ in writing, directing, and acting at a church called Willow Creek (in Illinois.) Third, I’m an online games producer by trade but my real passion is found in telling others about Christ through contemporary church drama.
I have a few opinions about drama in the church as well. I think that contemporary drama is both underutilized and misunderstood. I believe it is something like 5-10 years behind contemporary worship. When many churches think about using drama, it usually involves the Passion Play or a children’s Christmas musical. Many people don’t have the opportunity to experience what are called ‘slice of life’ dramas. These dramas may last only 3-4 minutes long but create a powerful (and many times humorous) illustration on any given Sunday. I also believe that any church, no matter what size, can use drama effectively, giving God glory, and inspire/convict normal folks like you and I to walk closer to God
So, what’s Stage Right all about? It’s about offering you the advice and resources you need to help you create and act in contemporary Christian dramas. I’m no expert, but I’ve seen lives changed as I continue to strive for excellence in this area, constantly praying that God would use me to tell others about how to live for Him. Over the coming weeks and months, I hope to provide you with articles about creating a drama philosophy, working with your pastor, developing a team, writing short effective scripts, directing actors, and acting on stage. I also look forward to hearing from you, taking suggestions on topics that you feel should be covered
Over the last 3 years, I’ve written over 45 dramas that are easy to memorize, require few actors, and are highly humorous and relevant. These dramas are available to you for free and will be added to this site over the course of the next few months. You can currently download all of these dramas from my personal site (www.dave-marsh.com) and can contact me personally if you wish (dave).
I look forward to serving you here at EXW and want to thank Steve for asking me to jump on board.
In His hands
Dave Marsh